RE SPONDIN TO DA SANTA MAN
October 21 2008, 5:18 PM
Are you referrin to da twain on the choo choo twacks
I used to be edumacated den I got smart
grumps (grownups) go to da ice skatin ringk caus der chillins kan
an dem folks'll do anythin dem chillins el does.

THE ADLIBS WERE PRESENTED ON STEVE AXTELL'S SITE BY THE GUY BELOW, THANKS TONY READ EM ENJOY THEM

Adlib practiceOctober 21 2008 at 5:19 PM
Tony Borders
There are certain situations which will present themselves repeatedly. Please add more than this list.
F is for figure and V is for Volunteer

F: (to volunteer) What's your name?
V: CJ
F: CJ? How do you spell that?

F: How old are you?
V: 6
F: Really? That's how old I was when I was your age!

F: What is your favorite sport?
V: Soccer
F: I like basketball. You have to use your head in soccer, but you don't use your head for anything in basketball.

F: What grade are you in?
V: Second
F: Aaah! I love second grade! It was two of the best years of my life.

F: (to ventriloquist when a child volunteer won't stand still.) You know those ants that were in the house last time it rained?
Vent: Yes. They're gone now.
F: I think they ended up in his pants. He's got ants in his pants and they're making him dance.

V: I know you're not really talking.
Vent: That's right. When he's talking, I'm talking. Do you know what that's called?
Figure: It's called rude!

Vent: I can see your mouth (tongue, lips..) move.
F: Is he trying to kiss me again?or
Vent: That's right. When the puppet is talking you can see my tongue move.
F: What? Do you stick out your tongue when I'm talking?

(Scared child)Vent: I think there is someone here who is afraid of you.
F: If you think I'm scary you should see Tony when he first wakes up!

Vent: Did you forget your line again?
F: No. My memory card is full.




Eccentric Equations (diltoids)
1) 26 = L of the A
2) 7 = W of the W
3) 1001 = A N
4) 12 = S of the Z
5) 54 = C in a D (with the J)
6) 9 = P in the S S
7) 88 = P K
8) 1 = M L on the C F
9) 0 = D C at which W F
10) 18 = H on a G C
11) 90 = D in a R A
12) 200 = D for P G in M
13) 8 = S on a S S
14) 3 = B M (S H T R)
15) 4 = Q in a G
16) 24 = H in a D
17) 1 = W on a U
18) 6 = L and N in a P C
19) 57 = H V
20) 11 = P on a F T
21) 12 = D of C
22) 29 = D in F in a L Y
23) 64 = S on a C B
24) 40 = D and N of the G F
25) 9 = P on a B T
26) 12 = E in a D
27) 1 = H in a D
28) 99 = B of B (O T W)
29) 1000 = W that a P is W
30) 5 = T on a F
31) 5 = F on a H
32) 60 = M in an H
33) 60 = S in a M
34) 10 = C
35) 93,000,000 = M to the S
36) 2 = P in a P
37) 32 = D F at which W F
38) 6 = W of H the E
39) 9 = L has a C
40) 101 = D
41) 30 = D H S A J and N
42) 1 = D at a T
43) 2 = T D (and a P in a P T)
44) 13 = C in a S
45) 8 = P of S in the E L
46) 20,000 = L U the S
47) 360 = D in a C
48) 13 = B D
49) 2001 = A S O
50) 6 = S on a C
51) 32 = T including W T
52) 100 = L on a C
53) 3 = W M
54) 7 = D
55) 1, 2 = B M S
56) 206 = B in the H B
57) 6 = S on a H
58) 4 = S in a Y
59) 21 = G S
60) 3 = S
61) 12 = I in a F
62) 1000 = C in a M
63) 5 = N in a Z C
64) 12 = M in a Y
65) 3 = P in a H G
66) 8 = L on a S
67) 20 = N on a D B
68) 7 = C in the W
69) 9 = I in a B G
70) 25 = C in a Q
71) 0 = D at the E
72) 7 = N in a P N
73) 4 = C D
74) 100 = Y in a C
75) 65 = M A of a S C
Answers
1) 26 = Letters of the Alphabet
2) 7 = Wonders of the World
3) 1001 = Arabian Nights
4) 12 = Signs of the Zodiac
5) 54 = Cards in a Deck (with the Jokers)
6) 9 = Planets in the Solar System
7) 88 = Piano Keys
8) 1 = Maple Leaf on the Canadian Flag
9) 0 = Degrees Celsius at which Water Freezes
10) 18 = Holes on a Golf Course
11) 90 = Degrees in a Right Angle
12) 200 = Dollars for Passing Go in Monopoly
13) 8 = Sides on a Stop Sign
14) 3 = Blind Mice (See How They Run)
15) 4 = Quarts in a Gallon
16) 24 = Hours in a Day
17) 1 = Wheel on a Unicycle
18) 6 = Letters and Numbers in a Postal Code
19) 57 = Heinz Variety
20) 11 = Players on a Football Team
21) 12 = Days of Christmas or Disciples of Christ
22) 29 = Days in February in a Leap Year
23) 64 = Squares on a Checker/Chess Board
24) 40 = Days and Nights of the Great Flood
25) 9 = Players on a Baseball Team
26) 12 = Eggs in a Dozen
27) 1 = Holes in a Donut
28) 99 = Bottles of Beer (On The Wall)
29) 1000 = Words that a Picture is Worth
30) 5 = Toes on a Foot
31) 5 = Fingers on a Hand
32) 60 = Minutes in an Hour
33) 60 = Seconds in a Minute
34) 10 = Commandments
35) 93,000,000 = Miles to the Sun
36) 2 = Peas in a Pod
37) 32 = Degrees Fahrenheit at which Water Freezes
38) 6 = Wives of Henry the Eighth
39) 9 = Lives has a Cat
40) 101 = Dalmatians
41) 30 = Days Hath September April June and November
42) 1 = Day at a Time
43) 2 = Turtle Doves (and a Partridge in a Pear Tree)
44) 13 = Cards in a Suit
45) 8 = Parts of Speech in the English Language
46) 20,000 = Leagues Under the Sea
47) 360 = Degrees in a Circle
48) 13 = Baker's Dozen
49) 2001 = A Space Odyssey
50) 6 = Sides on a Cube
51) 32 = Teeth including Wisdom Teeth
52) 100 = Legs on a Centipede
53) 3 = Wise Men
54) 7 = Dwarfs
55) 1, 2 = Buckle My Shoe
56) 206 = Bones in the Human Body
57) 6 = Sides on a Hexagon
58) 4 = Seasons in a Year
59) 21 = Gun Salute
60) 3 = Stooges
61) 12 = Inches in a Foot
62) 1000 = Centimeters in a Meter
63) 5 = Numbers in a Zip Code
64) 12 = Months in a Year
65) 3 = Periods in a Hockey Game
66) 8 = Legs on a Spider
67) 20 = Numbers on a Dart Board
68) 7 = Continents in the World
69) 9 = Innings in a Baseball Game
70) 25 = Cents in a Quarter
71) 0 = Latitude Degrees at the Equator
72) 7 = Numbers in a Phone Number
73) 4 = Cardinal Directions
74) 100 = Years in a Century
75) 65 = Minimum Age of a Senior Citizen